News

This year has been a remarkable transition for all of the Rise of the Phoenix OGs and our Juicester fam has only added to all of the fun! Each year, we're getting better and better, and challenging ourselves each step of the way. Whether it be relationship struggles, career blockages, or counter terrorism, here at The Juice News we've got you covered and we plan to continue our mission by encouraging everyone to live as authentically as possible. This year's motto was all about 'standing on business'; solidifying one's position in whatever aspect you feel you need to, however, next year's motto will be a little different. For those of you, who've gotten by exerting your dominance over other's, you may find yourself on the receiving end of such energy and you'll be forced to show some flexibility, agility, and mobility if you want to make it in Owl City.  Next year we're turning things up a notch and we will be running a full court press!

Either knuck if you're buck...or duck!

All aboard The Juice News J5 as we take you on the most magical trip ever courtesy of the one and only Don Juan. As one of our premium VIP members, we're up to date on all of his traveling expeditions. With or without a Hublot, we know everywhere he goes. As a man of many names and just as many faces, it appears he's on a lifelong quest to find love and peace despite his circumstances; a sad case of arrested development, nevertheless, get packed! Should you bring the Pucci bikini, what color sarong, don't forget the Louie shades and matching sandals, and whatever you forget the Don will grab it while you're there! We all know a man with no funds, is no fun, using his premium Juice News Travel Card-he earns points AND interest towards every purchase!

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At The Juice News, we care about the growth and development of all our citizens, you can run from your problems, but you can't hide. Every hour, every minute, every second- we'll find you!

Back at headquarters we're preparing for the first Juice News office Christmas Party and it's going to surely be a night to remember! And in true holiday spirit, the more the merrier. It appears we have a Juicester-in-training in office this week and he's ready to prove his dedication to our mission and the city. Loyalty goes a long way at The Juice News and that's why I'll be putting our newest trainee to the test to see if he's as cold as they say he is. Before anyone gets invited to this cookout, we have to verify that they're not just another one hit wonder; we have earned quite the reputation, and we don't do one hit wonders (allegedly). We may not always agree in Owl City but once bitten, twice shy, so I have to make sure it's going to be a good fit. You bring the ice, and you've got the juice!

Pa-rum-pum-pum-pum! 

My man, my man, my man...Well it looks like someone is hanging up their player card in favor of something solid and true. The First Lady is taking the necessary steps to secure the future for the next generations to come. And with that, sacrifices must be made in order to strengthen the foundation and unite forces. All that mackin' and hangin' has led the First Lady to the man of her dreams and we never could've made it without the love and support from all of you. As a way to celebrate this momentous occasion, all of our friends, family, and Juicesters are cordially invited to the party of the century! 

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There no movie stars, no Super Bowl Champions, and certainly not one of your top five rappers, but my man, my man, my man, makes shit happen! Hearts will break and heads will roll but The Schimdts are forever! 

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I hope you all had as much fun as I did, now duty calls!

Well, you heard it here first ladies and gentlemen, the people of Owl City have crowned their queen, may I add it was a unanimous decision! There's been whispers on how the people could betray the other nominees, but our Queen doesn't have time for that. She's giving The Juice News her first plan of action as she tackles all things foreign affairs, starting with a New Uniform initiative that's going to shift the world from its 'baddie' era into something bolder, that says "I'm nice, but don't push it pal!". Of course, change brings resistance, and we expect backlash and push back because let's be frank, sex sales-and that's the problem! Time is also valuable, so they'll either ship up or get wiped out, we'll call it The Blackout!

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The First Lady is ready to clean house people, consider this your final notice!