News

Hey there, back for more? The Juice is here to quench your thirst for knowledge with our latest issues. Sip on them at your leisure and let the juicy goodness flow through you. Cheers!

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January 26, Issue IV

"Hotel California"

He loves me, he loves me not...it seems like someone has another's head on a swivel when it comes to knowing where they stand and they've been pulling out all the stops in hopes to capture someone else's heart or to at least gain a spot on the starting roster, that they may be losing all their self-respect. Instead of pulling petals off a flower in Lalaland, we're making moves at The Juice New and keeping a watchful eye on impending doom as it may pour all on another's parade in Southern California.

Additionally, scientists have alerted us to a possible T.A.P outbreak that's likely to spread fast and we're ready to fumigate the city.

In sports and entertainment news, someone's dreams of playing in the big leagues may come true after all. With some of their best players on injured reserves, they're looking to bring in their D-league players to do what they do best, disappoint!

In business and travel, someone is pulling out all the stops for their lovely lady lump and possibly planning a surprise getaway at the Hotel Californian and then it's pretty much business as usual this week-well, kind of sort of.

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January 19, Issue III

"The Mistress of Evil"

This week at The Juice News the road to victory never smelled or looked better. In fact, my Juicesters thought it'd be a great idea to put together a special spirit night and they put me in charge of the menu. I guess this is what happens when you leave them unattended with nothing to do. So, I've curated the perfect Cajun tailgating menu to help keep the momentum going and it includes not only some of the finest ingredients and foods inspired from world renowned chefs but the baddest shorties east of the Mississippi will be our hostesses and servers.

With only a few more weeks to go we suggest you all be on your best behavior because there's surplus of hot boys and girls ready to party! If you want to join in on the fun (and mommy dearest lets you off house arrest), stick to your script! And if you're dissatisfied with life or experiencing buyer's remorse, keep it to yourself or we can make alternative accommodations just for you! After all, we're only here to serve".

In the meantime, we're still getting the 411 with Miss Puddin and celebrating another hometown hero, New Orleans very own, Greg Ravy.

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January 12, Issue II

"Rogue Blox"

We can sense the need for answers for a lot of our juice fam and of course at The Juice News, we've got them! The real question is, do you really want to know?

Nevertheless, we've got a jam-packed issue this week as we have a lot to catch you guys up on, starting with our new passports that you'll need for all of our upcoming travel adventures. But stay put, because our first story is a tale as old as time; if someone though that love was battlefield, they fought the good fight and lost! Unfortunately, with every loss, there's a story to tell and this person is making sure everyone hears their side, from family to friends, and even strangers know all about the dagger you left in their heart, and not the ones they put in your back first! Luckily, we heal like Wolverine in this bitch!

In other news, grab your rain boots and armor because Miss Puddin will be taking all of you on a trip to the luckiest place in the world, Ireland! Yes, we will be learning a little Irish history and culture and what it truly means to have a fighting spirit in our new editorial piece, "What's the 411? with Miss Puddin".

Geesh, that woman never quits!

Faigh do phas agus a ligean ar dul!

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January 5, Issue I

"Bagatelle No. 25 in A Minor"

We've certainly hit the ground running this year at The Juice News and we've had an influx of inquiries and requests in just a few weeks time that it's hard to keep up, but our Editor-in-Chief always comes through. In politics, the US government wants Miss Puddin to stay the course while others make desperate attempts threatening the safety, welfare and integrity of the Juice family and in business matters, we have screwed business entities poking around hoping she'll be willing to make the juice with a little more artificial sweetener for better digestion and personal profit.

We've also been asked to give our first musical performance review and apparently, we've been challenged to put one on ourselves, probably just to steal the sauce again, but quite frankly we've never done that before, oh what will Miss Puddin do?

How will she pull this off? Where will she find the talent? Will she even respond at all?

A wise man once said the underground never stops for hoes, but after consulting with the underground kings themselves, and assessing for risk for theft and loss, perhaps this time, and this time only, we will make an exception.

For one night only, we will admit them all and they can see the inner workings of the underground, and all its kings and queens.

Cheers to 50 years!